I’m of Irish descent. I’ve been told the Irish never forget, but carry grudges forever.
I admit, I have a few. But I don’t take them out and dust them off regularly.
Loved this essay. I hurt for you at the disrespect shown for your blog at that award ceremony.
I was invited to the Cleveland Press Club awards ceremony years ago, when I was writing for a weekly in Hudson.
My then-husband and I were seated at a table with people we didn’t know.
When I returned from a trip to the restroom, my then-husband leaned over to me and whispered, “The two women next to me said that just because you’re here, it doesn’t mean that you won anything. They don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
My response should have been, “Bless their hearts.” Instead, I felt like someone popped my balloon.
In the end, I was presented a first-place plaque for feature writing.
I can’t remember if I smirked at the women as I took my seat, hardware in hand.
I don’t know who those women were, but when that memory shows up, it makes me mad!
Totally Totally Totally Get this! You want people to "Get" what you create, and to see the brilliance in it. When they make jokes about it, minimize it, superficially dismiss it with a quick one-liner for laughs…well, it can hit you the wrong way, especially if you're all gussied up for grown up awards night, when you have way higher expectations for how you're perceived. I don't know that I hold grudges so much as I remember slights during times of trouble, to add to the information packet of bad feelings. I also add it to the "now I know *this* about that person and what I can expect from them" packet of information. Is that a grudge? Maybe…but sometimes its useful and a guide for future dealings with a particular person. Anyway, I do totally totally get this…my favorite line being…
"My actual house plants can only dream of being tended as lovingly as I tend my injuries. Precious. My precious." Thank you!
Your drawing made me think of a tardigrade. (Why would I even remember what that is?) I try not to have grudges-once they’re in your mind they are so hard to dislodge. Bravo for the Radical. O!
I knew a woman in college whose mother had dated Don Rickles. The woman kept saying “How can she complain about anyone I date?”
This is brilliant, Karen. You write with such humor and honesty. And your drawings are exquisite.
I try not to hold a grudge, but one is only human. I remember reading an interview with a 90+ man. I'll never forget his advice. "Take no offense", he said. I remember that when my husband says something outrageous!
My grudge is not for me but for my best friend for many years, who was a deeply gifted composer in Dallas. He was commissioned to compose the first original work to be performed on our magnificent symphony hall organ. When the host of PipeDreams visited the city one year to tape a program in that hall, he made some joking, giggling comment about my friend’s work. It was so ignorant and so unfair that I have never recovered.
I so love your monsters, Karen, as well as your storytelling. I am a champion grudge-carrier, going back to third grade when Nina--never mind. I need to adopt your No Grudges policy. I suspect that it's a daily practice, for some of the longest-held ones at least. Thanks for the honest reminder.
I LOVE this. I understand the importance of grudge release. Perhaps, it comes with "age?!" Or the loss of too many family members and best friends? Maybe, it's my fading memory that has erased whatever it was that pissed me off? I think it's understanding that life is finite, and I am nearing the cliff. Thank you for this essay... and all of the others!
A year or so pre-pandemic, I attended a region-wide union convention. I was surprised with an award for my union activism. I stumbled through a few words accepting my honor, then made my way off the stage. The tables were pushed close together, and I had to turn sideways to maneuver around the seats and back to my table.
As I sidled around an attendee's seat, the woman looked up at me and smiled. I leaned slightly in to hear what I thought would be words of congratulations. They weren't. Still smiling at me, she mentioned something about "my fat a--". Well then. I found my way back to my seat, soaking in the praise from my table-mates and friends. But there it was, the insult, the pin in my happiness balloon.
I am not Irish, but I am part Sicilian, another culture which carries grudges to a fare-thee-well. Did I mention that my award was plexiglass with a pointed end? Do I know that grudges aren't useful? Do I know that it is better to forgive than forget? What I know is that I won the award and whoever that woman thought should have won it, didn't.
Your post was one of the most real, relatable and inspiring I’ve had the luck to encounter. I needed to hear (read) it. THANK YOU. Also, I think the title “Pen In Hand” was perfect. Love your art also!!!
Oh you know what they say… whenever you pay attention to that grudge (aka pain, hurt,sorrow) you are really only inflicting it on yourself. The grudgees aren’t feeling a damn thing.
Fun read and I just love your drawings... your imaginative characters... or should I say friends? 😄 Happy Birthday today! Have an awesome celebration all day long! 🍰🎉🎶🥂
I’m of Irish descent. I’ve been told the Irish never forget, but carry grudges forever.
I admit, I have a few. But I don’t take them out and dust them off regularly.
Loved this essay. I hurt for you at the disrespect shown for your blog at that award ceremony.
I was invited to the Cleveland Press Club awards ceremony years ago, when I was writing for a weekly in Hudson.
My then-husband and I were seated at a table with people we didn’t know.
When I returned from a trip to the restroom, my then-husband leaned over to me and whispered, “The two women next to me said that just because you’re here, it doesn’t mean that you won anything. They don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
My response should have been, “Bless their hearts.” Instead, I felt like someone popped my balloon.
In the end, I was presented a first-place plaque for feature writing.
I can’t remember if I smirked at the women as I took my seat, hardware in hand.
I don’t know who those women were, but when that memory shows up, it makes me mad!
Totally Totally Totally Get this! You want people to "Get" what you create, and to see the brilliance in it. When they make jokes about it, minimize it, superficially dismiss it with a quick one-liner for laughs…well, it can hit you the wrong way, especially if you're all gussied up for grown up awards night, when you have way higher expectations for how you're perceived. I don't know that I hold grudges so much as I remember slights during times of trouble, to add to the information packet of bad feelings. I also add it to the "now I know *this* about that person and what I can expect from them" packet of information. Is that a grudge? Maybe…but sometimes its useful and a guide for future dealings with a particular person. Anyway, I do totally totally get this…my favorite line being…
"My actual house plants can only dream of being tended as lovingly as I tend my injuries. Precious. My precious." Thank you!
Your drawing made me think of a tardigrade. (Why would I even remember what that is?) I try not to have grudges-once they’re in your mind they are so hard to dislodge. Bravo for the Radical. O!
I knew a woman in college whose mother had dated Don Rickles. The woman kept saying “How can she complain about anyone I date?”
This is brilliant, Karen. You write with such humor and honesty. And your drawings are exquisite.
I try not to hold a grudge, but one is only human. I remember reading an interview with a 90+ man. I'll never forget his advice. "Take no offense", he said. I remember that when my husband says something outrageous!
As a champion grudge-holder, I love this! And I’m reading it just when I have decided to give up one specific 37 years-long grudge. Thanks!
Well done! I'm afraid that I hold a grudge or 2 ,at times, almost lovingly in my arms like an irritable toddler...hmm
My grudge is not for me but for my best friend for many years, who was a deeply gifted composer in Dallas. He was commissioned to compose the first original work to be performed on our magnificent symphony hall organ. When the host of PipeDreams visited the city one year to tape a program in that hall, he made some joking, giggling comment about my friend’s work. It was so ignorant and so unfair that I have never recovered.
I so love your monsters, Karen, as well as your storytelling. I am a champion grudge-carrier, going back to third grade when Nina--never mind. I need to adopt your No Grudges policy. I suspect that it's a daily practice, for some of the longest-held ones at least. Thanks for the honest reminder.
I LOVE this. I understand the importance of grudge release. Perhaps, it comes with "age?!" Or the loss of too many family members and best friends? Maybe, it's my fading memory that has erased whatever it was that pissed me off? I think it's understanding that life is finite, and I am nearing the cliff. Thank you for this essay... and all of the others!
The older I get the less it all matters. Carrying grudges only burdens the holder.
A year or so pre-pandemic, I attended a region-wide union convention. I was surprised with an award for my union activism. I stumbled through a few words accepting my honor, then made my way off the stage. The tables were pushed close together, and I had to turn sideways to maneuver around the seats and back to my table.
As I sidled around an attendee's seat, the woman looked up at me and smiled. I leaned slightly in to hear what I thought would be words of congratulations. They weren't. Still smiling at me, she mentioned something about "my fat a--". Well then. I found my way back to my seat, soaking in the praise from my table-mates and friends. But there it was, the insult, the pin in my happiness balloon.
I am not Irish, but I am part Sicilian, another culture which carries grudges to a fare-thee-well. Did I mention that my award was plexiglass with a pointed end? Do I know that grudges aren't useful? Do I know that it is better to forgive than forget? What I know is that I won the award and whoever that woman thought should have won it, didn't.
Your post was one of the most real, relatable and inspiring I’ve had the luck to encounter. I needed to hear (read) it. THANK YOU. Also, I think the title “Pen In Hand” was perfect. Love your art also!!!
Great picture of the moral of the story about which beast within us wins — it’s the one we feed.
OMG! I LOVE this! Thank you.😊 Can we read this in our church?
Oh you know what they say… whenever you pay attention to that grudge (aka pain, hurt,sorrow) you are really only inflicting it on yourself. The grudgees aren’t feeling a damn thing.
Fun read and I just love your drawings... your imaginative characters... or should I say friends? 😄 Happy Birthday today! Have an awesome celebration all day long! 🍰🎉🎶🥂