Your writing so resonates with me. I am 73. After a lifetime of yoyo dieting, weight swings, my mother's pronouncements of How pretty I could be if I lost some weight, after two extraordinary children,after 2 bouts of cancer which ultimately led to metabolic syndrome, ; I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. It will sound odd, but this chronic illness has turned off the judgemental voice in my head. Yes,I am taking injections to help decrease triglycerides and help with weight loss but I have been able to view myself with more loving eyes and resolve to care for it than I've ever had previously. It's like meeting up with a long-lost childhood friend and tenderly embracing, filled with gratitude for all the sweetness of shared memories and experiences. Next step...
I think you are my younger sister (I'll be 75 in April) from another mother! The weight saga, the ANTM insanity - yes, ma'am. Right there with you. But I have to say that My Cousin Vinny is my all-time favorite funny movie and the whole cast, including the sylph-like Marisa Thomei, is brilliant. Yoots?
I too turned 65 and appreciate this insight. I’m more concerned about what is going on inside my body these days than how it looks on the outside. I do kind of obsess over how much my hands now remind me of my mother’s.
And Marisa definitely deserved that Oscar for her performance. (And yes I’m sure!)
I think you were inside my head when you wrote this!! Thank you and thank ChatGPT for actually giving good advice! (or did you cleverly make that up?). I am almost 75, was eating disordered in college, and still have such loud body dysmorphia and food obsession that I want to blot it out with GLP 1s. I have lots to be proud about in terms of career, children, friends. love but the doubts are still louder.
Thank you for this. I’m approaching 55 and fighting the menopause belly tooth and nail, while living with an 18 yo son who desperately wants to gain weight and is fighting the metabolism of youth. Learning to love our bodies as-is is hard.
Also, I love the Charles Lenox series! I enjoy historical detective fiction and this is one of my favorites. For contemporary detective fiction, Louise Penny and her Inspector Gamache are the best.
It IS absolutely possible to shift my mindset, especially when listening to the lovely voice reading this important essay. Yes, large thighs didn't stop me from "love, disappointment, and ordinary Fridays!" Happy Birthday belatedly!
I’m 71 years old and carrying around childhood trauma, not the least of which is the memory of my dad asking me when I was going to lose weight. What the hell, dad? I was 7 years old, and you had no idea what had happened to me. To be fair, I didn’t know what had happened to me and wouldn’t have known how to tell you or mom what happened to me.
But also to be fair, that afternoon on the porch was the start of a lifelong struggle with shame and guilt over my body and secret eating, hiding potato chips in the desk drawer and getting a job when I was in high school so I could afford to buy my own Ding-Dongs. That way I could hide them in the car and eat them when no one could see or say anything.
Isn’t it funny what women do to ourselves to make us feel better about the way we look? And when those of us who struggle to lose weight (in a lot of unhealthy ways) manage to lose pounds, we seldom shed the image that we’re too fat. And that girl in the mirror is STILL lying to us about how we REALLY look.
Thank you, as always, Karen, and happy birthday! I've got you beat by 10 years, so I had to endure the reign of Twiggy and an ever-smaller Karen Carpenter. Scoliosis and its treatment pretty well knocked out concerns about what my body looked like under the brace or cast, though not entirely. Aging has helped, and retirement is wonderful. I'm always glad I didn't buy a tv when the things went to digital. I don't miss the messaging at all! Peace to you and all of us who struggle in a world run by men.
First -- Happy Birthday!!! Just think, you now qualify for Medicare and senior discounts, lol!
It is my hope, that if heaven exists and I'm granted permission to enter, that we exist as lights that shine as bright as the kindness and goodness we shared while we were tied to our corporeal selves. In this reality I imagine, the human spirit is only judged by the brightness of our lights, and any sadness we felt about our temporary shell is washed away and we are left to bask in the auras of our best acts while on terra firma.
Yours will be as bright as the loveliest summer day and others will want to be near you just to feel the warmth.
I also have lived with deep self-consciousness about my body shape, primarily heavy legs and hips compared to my torso. Later in my 50s (I’m now 68) I learned about lipedema and I’m a perfect example of that fat disorder. Like another commenter above, I found much more self compassion and acceptance of my body after understanding it’s not my fault…
Your writing so resonates with me. I am 73. After a lifetime of yoyo dieting, weight swings, my mother's pronouncements of How pretty I could be if I lost some weight, after two extraordinary children,after 2 bouts of cancer which ultimately led to metabolic syndrome, ; I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. It will sound odd, but this chronic illness has turned off the judgemental voice in my head. Yes,I am taking injections to help decrease triglycerides and help with weight loss but I have been able to view myself with more loving eyes and resolve to care for it than I've ever had previously. It's like meeting up with a long-lost childhood friend and tenderly embracing, filled with gratitude for all the sweetness of shared memories and experiences. Next step...
Bravo for the embrace of your gentler self!
I think you are my younger sister (I'll be 75 in April) from another mother! The weight saga, the ANTM insanity - yes, ma'am. Right there with you. But I have to say that My Cousin Vinny is my all-time favorite funny movie and the whole cast, including the sylph-like Marisa Thomei, is brilliant. Yoots?
I too turned 65 and appreciate this insight. I’m more concerned about what is going on inside my body these days than how it looks on the outside. I do kind of obsess over how much my hands now remind me of my mother’s.
And Marisa definitely deserved that Oscar for her performance. (And yes I’m sure!)
I think you were inside my head when you wrote this!! Thank you and thank ChatGPT for actually giving good advice! (or did you cleverly make that up?). I am almost 75, was eating disordered in college, and still have such loud body dysmorphia and food obsession that I want to blot it out with GLP 1s. I have lots to be proud about in terms of career, children, friends. love but the doubts are still louder.
Kathryn, that was true ChatGPT response! It’s uncanny, isn’t it?!
I never expected GPT to be so thoughtful and wise!
Thank you for this. I’m approaching 55 and fighting the menopause belly tooth and nail, while living with an 18 yo son who desperately wants to gain weight and is fighting the metabolism of youth. Learning to love our bodies as-is is hard.
Also, I love the Charles Lenox series! I enjoy historical detective fiction and this is one of my favorites. For contemporary detective fiction, Louise Penny and her Inspector Gamache are the best.
I am also a big fan of Gamache!
Wow! Boy did I need to read this! Who knew chatgpt was that wise? This is a keeper to refer back to when needed. Thank you.
Thanks for reading, Tami!
It IS absolutely possible to shift my mindset, especially when listening to the lovely voice reading this important essay. Yes, large thighs didn't stop me from "love, disappointment, and ordinary Fridays!" Happy Birthday belatedly!
I’m 71 years old and carrying around childhood trauma, not the least of which is the memory of my dad asking me when I was going to lose weight. What the hell, dad? I was 7 years old, and you had no idea what had happened to me. To be fair, I didn’t know what had happened to me and wouldn’t have known how to tell you or mom what happened to me.
But also to be fair, that afternoon on the porch was the start of a lifelong struggle with shame and guilt over my body and secret eating, hiding potato chips in the desk drawer and getting a job when I was in high school so I could afford to buy my own Ding-Dongs. That way I could hide them in the car and eat them when no one could see or say anything.
Isn’t it funny what women do to ourselves to make us feel better about the way we look? And when those of us who struggle to lose weight (in a lot of unhealthy ways) manage to lose pounds, we seldom shed the image that we’re too fat. And that girl in the mirror is STILL lying to us about how we REALLY look.
This is heartbreaking -- for the little girl you were and for the woman who is still carrying the trauma. Sending a virtual hug. ♥️
"My Cousin Vinny," an absolute all-time favorite. Right up there with "Napoleon Dynamite" for me. :)
It was such a wonderful escape from the world! Can’t believe I had never seen it!
Thank you, as always, Karen, and happy birthday! I've got you beat by 10 years, so I had to endure the reign of Twiggy and an ever-smaller Karen Carpenter. Scoliosis and its treatment pretty well knocked out concerns about what my body looked like under the brace or cast, though not entirely. Aging has helped, and retirement is wonderful. I'm always glad I didn't buy a tv when the things went to digital. I don't miss the messaging at all! Peace to you and all of us who struggle in a world run by men.
Ohhhhh. Karen Carpenter. That one still gets me. Such complicated feelings.
First -- Happy Birthday!!! Just think, you now qualify for Medicare and senior discounts, lol!
It is my hope, that if heaven exists and I'm granted permission to enter, that we exist as lights that shine as bright as the kindness and goodness we shared while we were tied to our corporeal selves. In this reality I imagine, the human spirit is only judged by the brightness of our lights, and any sadness we felt about our temporary shell is washed away and we are left to bask in the auras of our best acts while on terra firma.
Yours will be as bright as the loveliest summer day and others will want to be near you just to feel the warmth.
Thank you, dear. ♥️ Lovely.
I also have lived with deep self-consciousness about my body shape, primarily heavy legs and hips compared to my torso. Later in my 50s (I’m now 68) I learned about lipedema and I’m a perfect example of that fat disorder. Like another commenter above, I found much more self compassion and acceptance of my body after understanding it’s not my fault…
Truly: It is NOT your fault! ♥️