Can This Book Make Us Sturdier?

A review of Brigid Delaney's 'Reasons Not to Worry'

Oct 18, 2024

At the checkout desk at a bookstore recently, where I was purchasing just a few new things, the clerk cheerfully observed that this is a good time of year for a new book. Then she did what no one at this particular store has ever done. She reached behind the counter and started tossing out random paperbacks: Did you see these?

No one at this store has so much as recommended a title to me in all the years I’ve been shopping, but there I was, wallet in hand, staring at this odd assortment. Well, this is awkward, I think.

Then the clerk throws out a bright yellow paperback. It is Brigid Delaney's Reasons Not to Worry: How to Be Stoic in Chaotic Times.

I'd never heard of the book or the author, but a mere week before, I'd been telling a friend about how the philosophy of Stoicism seemed to be in the zeitgeist recently and that I wanted to read more about it.

And now the book gods were saying, "Blam! Here you are, friend!" I told the clerk to put it on the pile.

This was $20 well spent.

Delaney is an Australian writer whose previous book, Wellmania, was made into a Netflix series. I say this as if I'd heard of it, which I hadn't, but perhaps you have. No matter. Now I am her fan, because she has written the book about Stoicism that I needed — warm, smart, funny, conversational but girded by knowledge of the actual Stoics, who lived and taught their philosophy in ancient Greece and Rome.

The Stoics believed that the secret o' life was not, necessarily, enjoying the passage of time, as James Taylor¹might say, but in practicing virtues of wisdom, courage, moderation and justice. Today we know the word "stoic" to describe someone who remains strong and upright in the face of even harsh difficulties. I admire lower-case stoicism when I see it but, truth be told, have always considered myself whatever the opposite of stoic is.

Yet these days being stoic seems more of a must-have than a nice-to-have. The ability to feel all the feelings is sweet and all, but it's not very useful in times such as ours.

Delaney reached a similar conclusion in 2018. She threw herself into research about the Stoics and amplified that by taking long walks with a friend during which the two discussed Stoic principles at length. She writes about these conversations and shares other details of her life as they intersect with her practice. She leans on three of the Stoics — Seneca, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius — and shares bits of their writing, which often sound astoundingly contemporary.

All of this is presented through a beautifully conceived three-part structure: The Essentials, Life and Its Absurdities, and Crunch Time.

Crunch Time illuminates Stoic teachings on grief and death, but fair warning — the book also starts with this theme in a chapter titled "How to Be Mortal." I wasn't sure I was up for jumping right into the deep end, but since so many roads of human suffering seem to end up there, one must address it sooner than later:

Ancient Stoic philosophers lived in perilous times. Mothers and their babies died in childbirth, diseases ravaged populations, there were plagues, massive inequality and slavery. If you were involved in politics, like Seneca, you had to be constantly on guard against your enemies, who might try to kill you or have you exiled. ...

In order to exist in some sort of tranquillity during highly uncertain times, the Stoics had to face reality: that is, they were mortals who were born to die.

For a Stoic, to be able to die well was intimately linked with being able to live well. If you realised how short and arbitrary life was, you didn't waste a second.

Delaney then describes her application of these principles, which involve — deep breath — the practice of thinking about the deaths of yourself and the people you love. She tells us how she did it wrong at first (too much, too fully) and how to do it right (more lightly, briefly and repeatedly).

After that grand beginning, she walks us through chapters that address working out what matters, coping with disaster, being relaxed, being moderate, being happy with what you've got, being on social media and more.

One of the keystone Stoic ideas is what Delaney calls "the control test." Given any situation, we consider what we can control and what falls outside our control. We focus on the first and let the second fall away. I know, I know: You’ve encountered this idea before, but have you really dived in? I hadn’t. And definitely not in a Stoic way, which always comes down to focusing on our own character, our reactions and sometimes our actions, and how we treat others.

Delaney also addresses how Stoicism intersects with and diverges from religion and the impact that had on her personally:

Purists will wince, but how can I explain that over time Stoicism changed everything from my view of nature, both human and the cosmos, to my understanding of reality, my place in the world, my relationship and duty to others, and how I approached death and mortality?

What these ideas offer dovetails, I think, with what a meditation practice offers: an opportunity to lengthen the pause between events (small or large) and my emotional reactions to them.

It would be ideal, in these trying times, to have fully absorbed Stoicism and be well into its practices. With just weeks left until the presidential election, fluidity with the language and thinking of Stoicism would go a long way toward helping us endure with more tranquility. But for me, the shift-change that even a mere dip into Stoic thinking offers is already filing some of the harshest edges off my days. No longer do I spend time thinking, “He just cannot be allowed back in the White House.”

No, instead I am treating that possibility like my own death: returning to the thought, lightly, briefly and repeatedly — to be as constitutionally ready for anything as I can be.

Further efforts in this direction are on my menu. Meanwhile, as the Brits might say — and Marcus Aurelius might agree — keep calm and carry on.

Notes

1. James Taylor’s “Secret O’ Life.” Ahh, what a lovely tune.

About the art

This being October, daily art challenges, a la “Inktober,” abound. I haven’t done one in a while but decided to take on the challenge proposed by the good folks at theydraw, founders of an illustration community and the websites theydrawandcook, theydrawandtravel and theydrawandgarden. They created daily prompts for each theme, but participating artists are encouraged to mix and match if they like, which is what I’ve been doing. These little gouache paintings are all living in a dedicated sketchbook. Perhaps I will paint carrots on the cover. A decision for later.

Calendars

Thanks to everyone who has purchased a 2025 calendar. I’m doing another print run soon. Hit the link here to Etsy if you’d like one. The next batch will go out around Nov. 9. Cleveland friends, there are a few available at Mac’s Backs on Coventry in Cleveland Heights, too!